Trying to Consume Time

Okay so it has been a rough couple of days emotionally. My mood swings have been through the roof the past few days with me not working out. The weekend was the hardest, finding something to consume the time on Saturday and Sunday morning was difficult. I am so used to waking up early, hitting the gym and being productive. Friday night I had "movie night," with all my girls. It really helped bring my mood up being around my friends and discussing things other than running and knowing that their is life outside the treadmill. Saturday, I went to the gym for a 20 minute cycle ride with no resistance and 10 min walk on the treadmill. My legs felt it, they were heavy and stiff. On my way home, I saw a young girl running and broke into tears. I know I am being a complete baby, but this is hard. I feel as if someone has kicked me out from under my feet and I am lying on my butt now and I have to start all over. Then again, this is my fault. Deep inside, I knew that I was playing with fire but I pushed it to the side and told myself that my body is now stronger than it was before and that I can do this much this week. I should have listened to the no sleep, the twitching eye, the moodiness and of course my blood sugar levels. Sunday was better mood wise. Woke up early, went to church, ran some errands and then Craig and I headed out to a nearby lake to play fetch with Cooper and take him for a walk. It felt good to do something active that just did not involve me. Lately I really have just worped my mind into the world of running, and that is it running. So tomorrow is another new day. My plans for the day are to try the gym again, but once again real light cardio and light lifting. I am praying that my blood sugar levels stay stable. I know for some of you this may be difficult to understand, but it is more than just overtraining. Ever since I have had Chronic Fatigue Syndrome, these epsisodes return and I have to re-work my body up the endurance level. This happened to me two years ago (the second time after me intitially getting CFS) and it took about two to three months to get back to the gym 3-4 times a week doing 45 min of cardio and 20 minutes of lifting moderate weight. I have read the longer you have had CFS, the shorter the episodes will last. I am still unsure at this point how long it will take me to get back on the treadmill. If I had it my way, I could start easy running again a mile or two this week. But, it could be another month or so before I get my feet back to running. I guess this is officially my third time around with this and I hope that I have learned my lesson. Yes, I want to be like those elite athletes and run for hours, but my body was not made for that. Not anymore. There is a reason, and God just does not want me to be a long distance runner and weather or like it I have got to come to terms with it. I have to be happy with what I can do, weather that be 10ks or 8ks or 5ks. I need to scarifice what God has given me and be thankful that I can do what I am doing and not struggle or be in pain.